The mist of love that clouds the brain is but a mystery. Our understanding even more so. I feel like society has started to move past the dark ages where a single conscious religious leader would dictate the terms of our understanding. Although some religious factions are still adherent to tradition, some have moved on. Yes, I know religion is a touchy subject. However, it does come into play. Therefore, I don’t feel I should cower in fear of being ostracized for a belief or impose others to feel closed about their beliefs. Rather, I explore an openness to discussion. For me, I simply look at religion as a passage of historical events. Some have been irrevocably confirmed with observational science while other events haven’t. Events confirmed with emotional science on the other hand is personable. That I can’t confirm to be true for everyone.
Now, where to begin? I feel like my love for nature is where my religion started where it began and where my love for another ends. I grew up loving nature. It was a natural order of things. The harmony that embodied the outside world. My parents, being very Confucian and Buddhist in their beliefs made absolutely no sense to me as a kid. Why should I follow the commands of elders that hurt me? Why for that matter should I believe in a deity that had a physical body but could not be seen. For that reason, I choose a religion that matched my love.
My choice as a kid was to follow the Native American spirit of belief. I believed in the world being composed of spirits of different elemental components of nature. It was my solution to having a belief system that would not only give me something to believe in but also align with what I loved. The one thing that had not hurt me. I could find joy living with my parents as they were and being alone by enjoying the pleasures of exploring nature. My parents permitted my exploration, they permitted my love of the library, so it was a choice that I made that allowed me to feel embraced.
It is this love that helped stave off my depression created from my circumstances. It would not be till high school that it would all fall apart, and a new sort of love came into my life. It was a love that would darken my soul with light bring a river of sorrow that nearly ended my life.