The abusive nature of my upbringing traumatized me. To this day, I have a fear of speaking too loudly and keep to myself. I love talking and voicing my opinions, but I suppress it. Like a cautious cat, I creep into situations with a tentative paw, ready to scamp out if the need arises.
I have wondered how I ever survived my childhood without incurring more lasting damage. I feel like the answer lay in how I made a safe place for myself within an abusive household. The answer being that I read like no tomorrow. My mother would often take me to the library. This was a joy that she approved of. So, whenever I went, I would borrow as many books as I could.
I feel like my mother approved of the library because she thought it would make me smarter somehow. Thou, to be honest, reading will do you no good if you can’t understand or interpret the information reasonably. All I knew was that she would call me stupid every day, hit me several times a day, scream and yell and then go cry in her room, thinking that I was going to amount to nothing. Or at least that was what I concluded.
Obviously, as a child, I wanted it to stop. So, I pushed myself to find a solution. The solution was reading. Reading every hard subject that was out there. This meant Shakespeare, coding, several languages, biology, and law. Oh, and most importantly, I learned martial arts. Something my parents would never let me take, telling me it would make me violent. By the time I was around the 3rd grade, I was becoming extremely literate in many subjects. Thou, my reading comprehension tests would say otherwise. But that plausible explanation will come later. I also studied the eastern martial art system enough to not only defend myself from my own parents but also Traditional Chinese Medicine. The root system for all the eastern martial arts and what became the foundation of who I am today.
A weak foundation will crumble to the tide of time. Both mind and body must become strong. Solid, but flexible. Understand your foundations and time will pass through you. Not you through it.
