Growing up, I was rather friendless. I could never invite friends over. My parents felt that their home was too unclean and embracing for friends. As a child, it was at complete odds with what was happening around the household in terms of responsibilities. My mum was supposed to be the housewife and my father was supposed to be the bread maker in the family. My family had upheld tradition. Yet, my dad and my mother continued to behave like pack rats stuffing the home with so much junk from dishwashers and couches on the front porch to a complete array of furniture in the balcony. It was not uncommon for both of my parents to shirk the responsibility to maintain a clean and sanitary household, yet uphold rules that they thought would keep it clean. One of these rules being whenever you went outside, you would have to take a shower immediately upon returning inside the house.
My family was full of these contradictions. It made the world very confusing. Having no friends, I spent most of my time feeling sorry for myself and wondering what was wrong with me. Out of desperation, I observed other people to see patterns of behavior and cohesively compose some sort of logic tree. However, I always found that people with always with contradiction. No matter who it was, my parents, my teachers, or random strangers.
When I grew up, I explored the concept of cognitive dissonance thoroughly as part of my psychology studies. People will always find a way to explain contradiction. Something that is explored as part of the Eastern Martial Arts culture is a concept that comes from Dao. The only goal of oneself is to learn to be the best you that you can be. "能识透自己﹐才有光明"。道德经 I feel like out of everything that I have observed with my parents and others that people will contradict themselves to ultimately from the world that they believe in. It is to complete the illusion of what is oneself. We choose who we want to be. We choose how we want to affect others. We choose ourselves in the hope that we will bring peace to our mind. No matter one's choice, the light brought to one mind will only bring calamity to another.